Life is Not Always Easy

So lately I have been completely overwhelmed and stressed out. Dan no longer has a job - not what we ever planned on. I have a part time job - not planned on either. Dan lives in Logan during the week and comes home on the weekend. The weekends are never long enough. I have the rest of the week alone with the boys and to worry about the path Dan and I have chosen. When we decided we would give medical school a try we didn't get a whole lot of overwhelming support from too many people. I think most people thought we were crazy maybe even a little fool-hearty. But we made it through the post-bacc program at Montana State-an experience I will never forget. That time in Montana made me a stronger, better person. I am a better wife and mother because of it, even though it wasn't always easy. Now we're back in Utah waiting to hear if Oregon Health and Science University is going to accept Dan into their medical school. He is number 48 on the alternate list and the list is currently on number 22. School starts on August 16 and we may not know until that day whether or not he's accepted. Dan and I have complete faith that it will work out. We hold tight to the idea that we knew way back when, that this was the right decision for us. We both, without a doubt, still believe this is what we are supposed to be doing. That doesn't make is any easier. Most people have decided that Dan has no chance of getting in, and in some cases don't want him to get in. That makes it that much harder to travel a road alone.

Now we recently found out that I am pregnant- we were VERY surprised as it wasn't completely planned on just yet. My first thought was "how am I going to do this?" Then I felt guilty because instead of worry, I should be feeling joy. We weren't going to tell people yet because we knew our situation wasn't ideal, but I decided a little support is what I needed. The first time I told people I was pregnant the response I got was "how are you going to do that?" Not exactly what I was looking for. So that night Dan left for Logan, I put the kids to bed and I sat down alone and started to cry. I cried for about two hours-I think the longest I've ever cried in my life. And then I said a prayer for help. I didn't know what else to do. Being the very independent person I am I don't like to rely on others. I can be very stubborn about it, but I know this is not something I can do alone. Well, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling I had a thought to listen to my iPod. I love music, it's always good for the soul, so I got out my iPod and just hit play. I didn't try to find a song, but the one that came on is an older one. I remember it from my Snow College days. It changed my perspective on the whole thing, and I can now say my prayers were answered and I'm so happy that a new little life will be joining our family soon. It's due March 2, Dalin's birthday. Wondering what song I heard? It's called "I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack. Here are the words:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking

Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making

Don't let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out, reconsider

Give the Heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

I hope you dance.

(Tell me who, wants to looks back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

DANCE!

I will not fear the mountains in my distance even though they are HUGE. I'm still worried and maybe even a little scared, but I'm going to take that leap of faith and it will work out. Thank you so much to those who do believe we can do this-even if you're not totally excited about us leaving Utah. We're not either. Thanks to those who have given us their unfailing support and love. You make our road a little easier. And a big thanks to all those who are truly excited about our new little baby, your words of support and excitement made a big difference. Thanks to baby Korbin for getting me in the baby mood. I can't wait.