Dan

OK, I'm a little more than frustrated. For almost two weeks I've tried to post a bunch of stuff and every time I try to upload images my Internet shuts down and it I get an error saying, "page cannot be displayed". My computer is from the stone age (in computer years, it's five years now) so I don't know if that's the problem or if it's my crappy Internet service. I've never had any Internet service that wasn't slow as a turtle even if it's supposed to be the top of the top in the fastest service yet to be achieved. It's all a bunch of malarkey. Anyways due to this little problem I'm having I decided to post a story without pictures although I wish I had a picture to go along with it as I'm sure you won't believe me. Read on for what I'm sure, many of you may consider one of the funniest Dan stories to date. For those of you who don't know my wonderful, fun loving, husband let me just give you a preface. Sometimes I wonder about the logic and choice making that goes on in his head. Just look at the camping blog from last July to read about the raccoon and moose story to get a glimpse into life with Dan. Now I'm not at all suggesting that all the things that happen to Dan are his fault. Many things happen to him because God needs a good laugh, I guess. He just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time more often than most people. But sometimes the decision making process falters. That's when it's time to laugh, although I'm still not laughing about this one. Need I remind everyone about my dad's hedge? If you're not sure what I'm talking about just read on.... The boys were finally put to bed last Tuesday and Dan says to me "would you like me to build you fire?" By this point I'm on the computer watching the latest of Dancing With the Stars and so I respond, "sure, that would be nice". Now, I've been married to Dan for almost 10 years, and I was never fully aware of how terrible Dan is at building a fire. He comes into the house, throws three huge logs into the fireplace, stuffs some paper around them and then tries to light it. And, as can be expected, after the paper goes out.....nothing. Dan sat there in this manner for about 45 minutes trying to light the fire without success. Pretty soon I'm vaguely aware of him getting up and I hear him in the background rummaging around in the garage. Then he comes back in and sits in front of the fire again. Just so you can picture it, from my chair at the computer, I can only see the back of Dan and he's in front of the fireplace so I can't see what's going on in it. After a minute or two I get the faint scent of gas and so I ask, "do you smell gas?" I get no response and so become suspicious and ask in a more serious tone “Dan, do you have gas in the house?” He turns slightly and says “of course I don’t, do you think I’m an idiot?” So I apologize for suspecting him and go back to the show. A few moments later and red hot fire ball blows out of the fireplace and reaches the ceiling of our house. I jump to my feet and run over to where Dan has jumped back and find a cup on the floor with flames coming out of it and Dan using my rug to try and smoother it out. “What in the hell are you doing?” It was all I could think to say. Or shout, rather because at this point, I’m livid. My cheeks are hot and I can feel my blood pressure going up. Was it the heat of the blast, or am I really that mad? Yes, I’m really that mad. All Dan had to say in response was, “I didn’t think it would do that”. He had dismantled a lighter and had planned on pouring the lighter fluid out of it onto the fire. So I say to him “Dan, what happens to gas when it gets hot?” He paused and then, responded “it expands”. Then I had a few choice words with my dear husband and went back to my show. I had to do something to calm down, although, I still don’t know who was voted off because I was seething about the fact that Dan had just about killed himself and burnt our house to the ground. It took me two day to finally calm completely down and I kept reminding him of his really stupid choices to which he just kept apologizing for over and over. Now I take comfort in the fact that he has no leg hair, arm hair, or eyebrows, those small reminders that will hopefully help Dan to reflect before he acts in the future. And since the first time that it happened I am now cracking a smile after having shared this story with all of you. I love my husband! And just think of all the stories we’ll be able to tell our grandchildren.